Where it all changed
I used to be a girls girl. I would back anyone without ever thinking of the risk I put myself at. Granted when I first came online I was full of myself and I only had time for lads but that's because I had been let down by so many women before that. I haven't ever really got the love I need at home so maybe that's where my mistrust in women is rooted. Fuck knows. But when I saw people getting shit in school, in the street or online, I would always offer support and have a go at the bullys. I saw one person getting trolled more than anyone I had ever seen online and I used to really worry about that person. I would seek them out on instagram just to get in the comments, and be kind so they didn't just see hate in their comments. I had seen this person on a tv show and they were an absolute crank and would do anything for attention but they didn't deserve the hate they got. So even though I didn't really like the person, I followed out of pity to be there and be kind because it was still another human and I didn't like them being bullied so much. I sat back and watched this person grow into a more confident version of themselves and I felt so happy for them that they proved all their haters wrong. Then I made the mistake of speaking about this on one of my lives. When my stalkers were watching. Next thing I know this person I followed and supported was recruited to the group of people who hated me. They were posting pisstakes of content I was posting and its was being pushed on the FYP. They were sat promoting the agency which was targeting me. It was a massive head fuck and I replied to a story on instagram and made sure this person knew who she was supporting. I wasn't nasty, I was just factual. She never replied but she will of seen it. She doesn't need money so she literally just got involved for clout. I had spent years offering kindness and support to a complete stranger, only for them to be used against me. Now on reflection I can see how following this person was never good for me. She is attention seeking, chaotic and has body dismorphia and this is the only content she speaks about. I have ended up not liking my own body and when I did go live this chaotic character is probably one of the reasons I was so manic, because it's how I saw people acting before. So I have blocked her and I now will not waste my breath offering support to a complete stranger in future. It's also made me not really trust the person I like because he has literally sat back and listened to everything I say and used everything in every way against me. It feels so petty and without ever speaking or him removing this irrelevant z-lister from his agency. I don't see how I can trust him. I want to just forget all the bad parts and I don't want to mistrust people like this forever, so he needs to start putting shit right.